iTunes can be a little incontinent at times..

"For iTunes users who have cell phones other than iPhone, it may be a little incontinent and sometimes seems impossible."

http://www.ahamediasoft.com/itunes-music-on-cellphone/

The Great Parrot

My new place!

My Kitchen:



































































The barstools we painstakingly recovered (they were previously beige and rather stained). By painstakingly I meant ridiculously easy. For me anyhow. Jeff did the part with the tools :P. I'm pretty sure it was easy for him too.

















I painted these for Miss E's room.

I'll post the living room if I ever get around to figuring out where I'm putting the damn TV.

Happy 2nd Birthday Miss E!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Things I'd never say

There are about a million things I've said in the past 2 years that I never thought I'd say...

One of them being: "No E., we don't draw on our cheese!"

You know..

Being an apartment dweller, I don't have to deal with pesky things like "bulky item collection."
However, today I took a little detour through the neighborhood (so I could check the status of the picnic tables at the park for the party on Sat.). It must be bulk item week. Why?
I drove past TWELVE toilets out on the curb. In less than a mile. TWELVE! How many people could possibly have a toilet just hanging around waiting to get dumped. There were of course, old doors, a couple critically injured toys, and a microwave or two, but nothing has outnumbered the toilets this year.
Weird!
I wonder if there is some sort of toilet replacement initiative running rampant through the city.


Edit:
There is indeed a free High Efficiency (read- really crappy) Residential Toilet Replacement Program from the city. They will replace up to 3 pre-1996 toilets per home. This neighborhood was built in the 80's. Hence the need for new toilets, I suppose.

Dear Walmart,

After purchasing my handy Poly Expanding 6 Pocket File, I noticed it came with an unusual amount of papers inside. Upon inspection, it appears I have been given a few of Arron R.'s homework assignments on angles and adverbs, as well as a skillfully written persuasive letter from Arron to Mr R. requesting a change of venue for the upcoming field trip. I feel as if I must return the enclosed documents as I have not paid for them, and I assure you I am no criminal!!!!
Also, I realize opening mail not addressed to me may be some sort of crime, so I would appreciate if you would refrain from turning these documents over to the feds. I do not know if this qualifies, as it was yet to be enveloped and mailed, but just in case, your discretion will be most appreciated in this matter.

Cheerfully yours,
Law Abiding Citizen.

Busy Busy!

I'm getting ready for the busiest month of my life, I think..
I only had 1 free weekend this month, in which I had to take my one required weekend of call for work. That is this weekend. We also have a birthday party to go to Sat, thankfully Turtle has agreed to cover my call for a few hours!
I work Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues, Weds., and Thursday. I can't complain- I made my own schedule this month. Why would I do such a crazy thing? 'Cause I wanted to take 4 days off next weekend for E's birthday (and not use up vacation time :P)!
Then Sat, the 13th, is Miss E's birthday and birthday party! I'll be running around like mad Friday and Saturday morning trying to pull it all together. Sunday and Monday I'll be packing like mad. I did wind up making the cheesy montage. It's very cute.

Why?
Because I'm moving to my new apartment on the 20th! Thankfully I have until the end of the month to be out of here, so as long as I get all the large stuff and the majority of other stuff I'll be fine to do the rest the following weekend. As well as cleaning the carpet and cleaning up in general. I soooo don't want to get charged for the 24574 spots E has put into the carpet.
I can't do it during the week.. because I'm going on a training thingy for work in Milwaukee and will be gone for 4 days! Miss E will spend a fun week with Meema (grandma).

Someone remind me never to enroll E in more than 1 activity when she's older. I'd go nuts.

On another note, I was just offered a one day a week gig at a pediatric cardiology office, and my boss has agreed to give me every Fri off (instead of being a random day off every week), so I can do it. She's actually excited for me! It's kinda a big deal to be for them to come up to me and ask me to work for them (one day a week, but still!). I don't do a lot of pediatric echos (5-6 a week), and have only been doing them for 15-16 months or so. I am, however (brag alert), very good at them. Their full time tech has 20+ years of experience, and is the person that trained me. Awhile back (less than 2 months after I was trained, actually) I was designated the pediatric trainer at our hospital. Mostly cause everyone else sucks, or doesn't pay attention, but whatev. Yay me! I don't really need a second job (not that I mind the extra money.. but E does have that shoe/purse fetish) but getting paid to get more advanced experience (older children, more complex cases)? Hell yeah! In my field pediatric experience is really hard to come by and is very, very marketable. I love doing pediatrics, but I honestly don't think I could turn around and work at a children's hospital. It would be too hard to see that many sick kiddos on a regular basis. An office, I could deal with..

Mommy's lil parrot

Today we were flipping through the Big Animal Book with Miss E and decided to take her to Austin Zoo, which you should check out if you're in the area. It's small but inexpensive and good for small children and bday parties since there isn't a ton of walking to do. Anyhow!

Between the book and the zoo today my little parrot has said:

Peacock
Owl
Cow
Efant (elephant)
Rilla (gorilla)
Cat
Uush (fish- she has trouble with Fs)
Tiger
Turtle

From sesame street:
Whas happenin?


She repeats everything now.

We're getting ready to celebrate her 2nd birthday! I can't believe it has been 2 years! If I get around to gathering the pics I'll do a sappy photo montage!

Sheesh!!

We now have toddlerized versions of:
Ready Set Go
Good Morning
Papa Be Right Back?
Big Bird

A few shopping suggestions..

Gauze overalls. Need I say more?

Unfortunately yes, I must. It involves a button up man thong. View at your own risk. For maximum WTF effect, please scroll down to the "In Shape" page.

Holy Moly!

More new words! She's using one or two new words a day now it seems!

Just today:
Where Jep?- Where's Jeff? (followed by Jep be back?)
Amoo- Elmo (she just went to bed saying Ni Ni Amoo)

A couple of days ago we heard baby's first bad word- Shit! (she was trying to say share... I think)


And in case anyone cares, my divorce will be final tomorrow afternoon!

Chatty Baby, pt 2

I forgot "Aaaa aboo"- All aboard (from her sing n go choo choo)

The other day she plopped her little butt down by the door and said fairly clearly "I can do it!"
She also added "See ya" to her farewell repertoire a couple days ago.

We also have:
Bubbles
Eaw- ear (which she demonstrated about 3 seconds after I typed it. She's sitting on my right arm, so she must have picked it up by osmosis.)
Awight- Alright
One Twooooo Reee (when she wants to play/jump/go down the slide)
Cookie
Hot
Be back? (she said mama be back? this weekend with grandma)

I think she's speaking in sentences for the most part, she's fairly consistent when she's speaking, but we haven't translated it for the most part!

Chatty baby!

Shoes is by far still E's favorite word (and object!)
She says a lot of words and a couple short phrases now (at home, she usually only says hi/bye when she's not among family) , though I'm bound to forget most of them when I'm trying to remember.

I swear yesterday at the pool she said "I fwyyyyyyyyy" when I was pushing her around through the water on her belly. I had arm floaties on her and she floated on her belly for a bit without my help for about 10 seconds, before she noticed I'd let go and she freaked!

The newish words:
Up
Dow(n)
Up N Dow(n)
Eat
Milk
Joooos (Juice)
Cup
H'loo (on the phone)
I do it/ I di it
Goggy
Osigh (outside)
Diaper
Potty
Ba/ Batime (bathtime)
Sah (sock)
Cocoo- Popsicle
Keekee- Rice Krispies
MINE!

She is sure to remind me to put milk in her rice krispies, and in her cup while I'm prepping her breakfast. She also thinks beer, bottled water and cans of soda are "milk."


Oh and Amy, she just said "H'lo Ameeeee" on her play phone. Just thought you should know..

First Big Boo Boo

Miss E tripped over the leg of a chair and went forehead first into a cabinet door (the flat part, not the edge, thankfully).
She only cried for a couple minutes.. she probably would have stopped sooner if not for my "holy shit!" reaction. She even consented to letting me hold her like a baby and putting an ice pack on it for all of 30 seconds.
It's been 15 minutes and she's running around laughing and jumping, so I guess she feels alright. She's going to have a bump and/or a bruise though :/

I've created a monster!!!!!

Miss E has a shoe fetish.
I have no idea where she gets it from.... (haha)

She can't pass a pair of shoes without wanting to try them on.
She is presently strutting around the living room with a pair of my flip flops on (the wrong feet, of course). A few minutes ago she had on a pair of strappy wedges and she keeps trying to break into my closet.

Lord help me.

A/C Part 348.1

The maintenance guy came not once, but twice today to fiddle with it.

Replace the fucking thing already.

A/C Saga

I have a feeling this won't be the last you hear about the A/C drama.

The maintenance man came back today, shop vac in hand. My A/C is still leaking downstairs after they replaced the drain pan. Shocking!

It looks like they are going to have to replace the entire unit. It better be more efficient.

My electric bill, as of today, is $280.49. For a 2 bedroom apartment. My mother's 2 story, 4 bedroom house costs her about that. I leave the A/C at 80 when I'm not home, 75ish when I am (and it takes hours to reach that), for the most part I remember to turn my lights out when I leave the house, and half my bulbs are CFLs. I do leave my ceiling fans running almost non stop to help keep it cool.

Which brings me to the new apartment. Not only will it be on the first floor, and have all sorts of nice amenities and be in a nice complex, the apartment manager- who has the same floorplan- says her electric bill runs her $60-70 in the summer. I do plan on checking on my specific apartment with the electric company, though. Overall I won't be saving any money, since the rent is a bit higher, but I will be saving time (it's 10 min closer since I won't have to hit a certain traffic area) and headache (no stairs), so the move should be worth it for me. Is it September yet?

*not* crazy

Tuesday I got home from work and my porch light was off. Kinda weird, cause I was sure I left it on.

Then I get in and I notice my laundry detergent was sitting in the middle of the hallway. I was pretty sure I didn't leave it there.

I checked out every nook and cranny in my apartment to make sure there wasn't some laundry washing breakin weirdo hiding in a closet. Nothing. I blow it off, and think I just forgot.

Later on, I went to give E a bath. The tub was mysteriously dirty. I thought maaaaybe the drain had backed up somehow. I convinced myself that was it, cleaned the tub and gave Miss E her annual bath (kidding!). It was either that or go back to some weirdo doing dirty things in my apartment (I really did have a paranoia about a weirdo hiding in my attic when I moved in, lol). The possibility that maintenance had come in didn't really occur since there wasn't a note on my door.

Fast forward to today. I get home, and there's a shop vac on my porch and keys in my door. I opened the door really quickly and yelled hello. Maintenance was there. Apparently my AC has been dripping and saturated the ceiling of the apartment below me. The noticed this on Wednesday, apparently (though I'm sure it was Tuesday), but no one bothered to tell me. They asked me not to run my AC until they fixed it. I must have given them a really nasty look, because he quickly changed his mind. I mentioned that I noticed someone had been in my apartment and there was no note.

There was apparently a bucket hanging out under my AC thingy that has been there (to catch said drips) for God knows how long and it overflowed. They must have emptied the friggen thing into E's bathtub, on top of her toys nonetheless, and then not even rinsed it out. Not only that, they had some kind of broken plastic pieces and shards all over the carpet in the main walkway, and a nice big knife sitting on the carpet. They left it there for about 10 minutes, and probably would have left it longer had I not asked them to pick up the sharp things so my freaking toddler wouldn't get hurt. I'm pretty anti-conflict, but it was really freaking hard not to bitch them out for A.) the sharp things and B.) the lack of the note that caused my mini paranoia.

They are coming back tomorrow, or possibly Monday, to replace the whatever it is that's leaking.


Have I mentioned I'm moving in September? I can't friggen wait.

Just For Fun

We don't actually have cats at home, but E adores her Papaaaaaa and Gmama's cats Lucy and Ethel (AKA Sooocy and Effel- which sounds suspiciously like Asshole when she says it..)

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

Chocolate Covered Couch Cushions

The couch cushions now have red Popsicle stains and chocolate fingerprints.
Sonofabitch.

Sometimes Miss E makes me want to cover my entire apartment in Saran Wrap and rubber cushions. Or bubble wrap, that could be pretty fun.

I can't be too upset about it, I had a really good weekend otherwise :)

Ink on the couch?

No problem!

Miss E was being particularly delightful last night and took a pen to my couch. I caught her pretty quickly, but she managed a 6" scribbly scribble on one cushion. After she went to bed I sprayed it with upholstry cleaner (and followed the directions, I'll have you know!), and scrubbed to no avail. Then I remembered the covers came off the cushions. Duh! I decided to wash both for the sake of being thorough.

Do you have any idea how absofriggenly hard it is to get them back on?
It's something like squeezing an elephant into a wet speedo.

*sigh*

Ikea, Pt 2: Furniture Assembly

So I went back to Ikea yesterday, sans Miss E. I went shortly after they opened, so it wasn't really busy. Though, I think at least 35% of the adult women there were hugely pregnant. One of them looked liked her water was just going to break right there, so I steered pretty clear of her.

I followed the stupid little arrows this time, so no traffic incidents, and I got to see all the areas I missed last time. I hung out in the kid's toys/furniture area for a little while and picked up a couple of stuffed animals for E., and picked out a little table and chairs for her.

Then I went to pick up the sheets that I was really there for, and made it through the rest of the store without incident, and her little table was right where the tag said it would be so that went pretty smoothly. No, I did not buy/eat any meatballs. I'm just not a meatball kinda girl. I did buy a cinnamon bun, but it really wasn't that great. I didn't even eat it all, and I have one hell of a sweet tooth.

I got home, without a speeding ticket (I thought for sure I was going to get pulled over), brought everything up and sat down to assemble the little table and chairs. Piece of cake, right?

It's pretty cool how they pack the boxes. It's not cool how all the directions are just pictures.
I only had to backtrack and take one side of the table off once, so I guess I didn't do too badly. I only cussed once, and it took less than 15 minutes to put together the set, including figuring out where those extra pieces went.

They have a bed there that I really like, but now I'm kinda skeered to do large scale furniture assembly. Plus, I'm planning on moving soon, so maybe that will be a project for later this year.

After awhile, the sheets were washed and I decided to put them on the bed. I got severely sidetracked along the way and sat down to work on E's scrapbook, and then got online to order a ton more prints since I only have a few around. I did get the sheets put on before I went to bed, and I have to say I'm still in love with the bright ass green. I also realized I need to find something to cover the box spring, and that will take me awhile to find something just right. I'll probably have to have some kind of outpatient therapy to recover from the breakdown resulting from the stress of having an exposed box spring. I'm still not happy with the color of my comforter, but I think I've found a duvet cover that will work.

(For those of you not familiar with my neuroses, I either don't decorate at all or I obsess over it until it looks just right. It's a long process, but there is never bloodshed, so I guess it's okay.)

Teh Eww pt. Deux

Problem mostly solved!
These things work well and they are kind of fun.. Who doesn't like watching blue foam come out of their drain?

Teh Eww

I am so grossed out. I was just cleaning the sink and on a whim I stuck a fork into the little spaces between the rubber flaps on my garbage disposal.
Black gunk came out on the fork. I scraped along the underside of a flap. More black gunk. I lifted up the flap and OMG there was like a half inch+ of black sludge/goo/slime stuck underneath each flap. Pretty sure I didn't accumulate that all by my lonesome, so there is OTHER PEOPLE'S SLUDGE IN MY SINK!
*gag*

They're watching you..

Miss E watched me fix my hair the other day (this involves lots of hair flipping and bending over).
She held out her hand for a bit of mousse.. and promptly bent over and started squishing it into her hair.

So, if you think your toddler isn't watching/imitating your every move, you are dead wrong.

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to insert some kind of PSA here.

Okay, I'm only Dumbass of The Week

The downstairs neighbors *did* move out!
Smoker blond didn't live with them, but I was so confused, because she always parked in front of their place. She lived in the next building over.
They all moved into a house together.
So, now I'm just the crazy box on the wrong porch abandoner. I'm pretty sure they needed them anyhow, so I don't feel as weird.

Miss E- 2, Mom- 0

I have tried to take Miss E with me to Kohl's twice this week. I'm looking for a new top and/or pants.

The first time she screamed until I let her out of the cart, and was fine- as long as I let her run around as much as she wanted, anywhere she wanted. I picked up possibly the ugliest purse ever off the clearance rack. She loves purses. Then I attempt to lead her to the shoes.
Commence tantrum. Purses are thrown. We leave, minus ugly purse. Score 1 for baby.

The second time she wanted to push the cart. She couldn't reach the handles. Commence tantrum. We ditched the cart and went to visit the purse section. We found the *same* ugly purse. E threw it over her arm and made a run for it. After 3 laps around the store, I convinced her to head to the shoe dept with me. There we found some sparkly toddler slip ons, 3 sizes too large. She falls in love with them and won't budge until they are on her feet. They are of course, attached to each other by a short, short plastic cord. She got them on her feet but couldn't walk more than a foot. Commence tantrum. I found some Dora light up sneakers (in her size) and try them on her. By then she was screaming, splayed out in the middle of the aisle. I take em off and throw em in the box. She picked up "her" sparkly shoes and the dora shoe box, plus the ugly purse and made a run for it. I steered her through the girl's section, where she picked up a training bra, to the adult clothing section and got a 30 second tour before she'd had enough. She lost the ugly purse and training bra somewhere in the swimwear. Fearing retribution (and a bigger headache), I bought both pairs of shoes and we got the hell out of there.

This is why baby leashes and bribery with candy were invented. Remind me to be prepared next time.

Dumbass of the Year award goes to..

Me!

I've lived in this apartment for nearly a year. I met one of the neighbors downstairs shortly after moving in. He mentioned his wife, and two kids. They frequently have friends or family over, and I never got introduced to his wife (a petite blond). Well, I've seen her around with the two kids, but only spoken to her once or twice. I frequently see a petite blond out smoking on their porch. I've always assumed this was her. Sometimes there are two blonds out there, but I don't want to stare or interrupt so I just wave and go upstairs. They both usually have sunglasses on, anyhow.

It was only recently (okay, today) that I realized that maybe the one with the kids and the regular smoker aren't the same person. I spoke to the frequent smoker Friday and she said they were moving (I was taking a couple boxes out to the trash and she said she'd take them off my hands). I told her I had a couple more boxes hanging out on my back porch and I'd bring them down later. Me, being as anti-social as I am, just dropped them off on the porch and went back upstairs to be reclusive.

A couple days later the boxes were still hanging out there, and I saw the neighbor dude move two of them out of the way (the other was gone). I started wondering if maybe the chick moving wasn't the one that lives there and if I'm a freak that abandons boxes on people's porches. Today I noticed the blond w/ kids heading out into the parking lot. One minute later I see smoker blond heading the same way.
DOH!

I'm so confused. I don't know if smoker blond lives there or what. Is she one of the kids baby mamas? Does she live on the couch?
More importantly, has she lived there the whole time and I just haven't noticed?

Cuteness

Miss E was supposed to be sleeping. I kept hearing clapping, so I went to investigate.
This is what I discovered..
(*note- turn your volume on, there is no actual video, just listen to it!)


Apparently, she was singing her take on the alphabet song and pausing to say YAY and give herself a bit of applause.
Silly kid!

I'm a winner!

My company has all sorts of annual surveys/evaluations/forums/et cetera. Usually there is a raffle or some sort of door prize.

I won a portable DVD player! Sweet!

ADHD Survival Tip #1

1. Don't forget that you're lactose intolerant and eat large quantities of lactose-laden Macaroni and Cheese.

Happy Mother's Day!

Miss E brought me a Jodi Picoult book and she even signed her name on the card!
She has excellent handwriting for her age, I must say ;)


Happy Mother's Day to all :)

What the Hail?

It hailed again yesterday! Slightly bigger, but it didn't do any damage and it didn't stick around long.

I better not keep writing. Little Miss E is eating oatmeal with her hands and she's looking tempted to throw.

Let the talking begin

Miss E is just shy of 20 months.
I've gotten a ton of new words out of her lately! Here is her dictionary/translator for all the ones I can remember. There are a few I can't.

Starting with her very first-
Ki-ka - Kitty Cat
Mama
Uh Oh
NANANA- No NO NO NO
Nana- Banana
Paaapa- Grandpa
Gama- Grandma
Tay Oo- Thank you
Eeeyo- Here you go
Eeeeuh- Eva
Eeeeeup- Clean up
Hi
Bobbles- Waffles
Whee
Bye
Baa- Ball
Du- Duck
EIEIO
Mamo- More (milk, usually)
Etel- Ethel (cat)
Sessy stee- Sesame Street

And apparently, DO IT!!! when grandma threatened to spank her. She gets that from me.

Edit: Adding "Shoes" and "Noe" (nose), "baper" (paper).
Amy, good luck. She's quite stubborn. No idea where she gets it.

Poor, poor, pitiful me

I have strep throat. Miss E just got over pink eye and a stomach bug, and has developed a gnarly cough.
Feel sorry for me!

Oh, hail

Those slightly bigger than pea sized hails sounded much bigger on the roof in the middle of the night. Like elephants.
I only opened my door 6 inches to get this pic, cause some of it was bouncing off the railing and flying at me. It was coming down pretty hard and it looked like it would hurt. I'm injury prone, and I don't want to have to explain that I got a black eye from a stray piece of hail.

I am so glad I parked underneath a big tree! I don't see any damage to anyone's car, but mine was relatively safe. Unless of course the tree fell, but if it fell chances are it would have landed on my car anyhow, that thing is huge.

Oh, and the wall next to my fireplace, the one that they fixed 6 months ago? Yeah, it had water running down it again. Nice! They also fixed the roof around my fireplace, since that is where the leak had come from, supposedly. Guess they are going to have to look again.
At least I didn't have a giant water booby on my wall, this time!

I can find the bright side in all this rain, though. I no longer have to leave my living room blinds down for privacy. I can dance around my nekkid at night with the lights on and no one can see me from the highway! Score! However, there is the matter of the "privacy" glass on the front door that would mean my neighbors could still see my nekkid silhouette. Must.buy.curtain.

Hold Me

It's storming out. There is thunder and lightning. The lights are flickering and I just know I'm going to lose power soon.

My flashlight? It's in the car. Outside. You know, where it's raining.

EPIC FAIL!

Dirty Usurpers

The wasp nest count is up to 7 on the back porch.
There are at least 2 on the front porch now.
*Sigh*


Also, Miss E has pinkeye. Putting eye drops into a 19 month old's eye is a blast. I only have to do it 3 more times today!

Return of the Flying Fuckers

I went out on my back balcony today.

BIG mistake!

There were not one, two, or three or four, but FIVE FUCKING WASP NESTS out there. Five that I saw anyhow. Who knows how many were lurking out of sight!

One on my living room to balcony door, two on various parts of the ceiling and one on my storage door. They would have nailed my sliding glass door if they could have! Though, they got as close as they could and placed one on the wall right above the door. They have succeeded in wasping all 4 sides of my balcony.

So, off we went to the Walmarts for some Raid. Miss E started screaming about 1.2 seconds inside the door.
She continued screaming through the auto section, where we got some coolant and an oh-so-handy funnel.
She kept on screaming until we hit the magical toy department. She spotted the Tower O Balls and turned on the charm. She usually chooses not to speak, but kept pointing and looking and me and saying BAAA BAAA (ball! ball!).
I had a choice:
A.) Pass the balls and listen to renewed, louder/screechier screeching.
B.) Give her a ball, just like the one we already have at home, and chase it around as she pitches it out willy-nilly on random sides of the cart and shrieks with laughter when Mama has to chase it.

Option B, it is!

12 ball chases later, we found the insect repellent. I hate this friggen store.

5 more ball chases land us at the closest possible cash register. It's the most contained since it's the cigarette register and there is an aisle immediately to the right. Less possible places for the ball to go.

----
30 Minutes Later

I'm strategizing for the most efficient method for Raiding. It's not really safe, no matter how I go about it, so I say Fuck the planning and get to work.
I carefully open the living room to balcony door (which has a nest on the door itself, mind you) and check for wasps. I don't see any. The nests are vacant. I rustle up some cojones. I aim the can at the furthest nest and press the trigger.
Nothing.
FUCK!
It occurs to me that there is probably some sort of safety feature to keep morons from spraying it in the store. I break off the damn tab and get to work.

In a matter of 30 seconds, I've soaked the storage door nest and all 3 on the ceiling. I spot a returning wasp and bolt back inside. I lock the door. You know, just in case they have learned how to turn a doorknob.

I run to my sliding glass door (from my room to the balcony) to keep an eye on the wasp. It flies off. I quietly slide open the door. It comes back. I slam the door, and run away.

5 minutes later I go check out the situation. No wasps.

I open the sliding door a crack and stick my hand/can out. I spray the living room door nest for all of 2 seconds before the friggen wasp returns. I slam the door, lock it, close the blinds, leave my room, and then close my bedroom door for good measure. I quit!

It feels like summer, almost

Holy Frozen Chocha, Bathman*! The pool was way too cold!



*unintentional typo

It's 2 AM. Do you know where your pillow is?

I wake up suddenly. It's pitch black. I stand up, or maybe I'm already standing. It's not clear. I have no idea where I am. I can't see anything. I feel around, which doesn't help at all. I start walking. This is really smart, you know, wandering around unknown territory in the dark.

It starts to dawn on me that I've probably gotten turned around in my room (again). I stop walking, and start thinking hard. (It's really hard to do both when you've woken up confused and disoriented, I'll have you know!)
I eventually decide that I'm in my room, probably on the left side of my bed. To confirm this, I feel my way around to my bathroom, and lo and behold, there is my alarm clock (the only source of light in my room at night). I crawl back to bed and drop immediately back into sleep.

If I kept the fucking alarm right by my bed, I wouldn't have to roam my room at night wondering where I am. I'd still wake up confused, but it wouldn't take me as long to get with the program.
----------------

So, I have to wonder if I've been sleepwalking lately. This isn't the first time I've woken up that confused, in my own room, in the middle of the night. I'm never sure if I was already standing when I woke or not, or if I got up as some kind of reflex. Sometimes I've turned completely around (my head at the foot of the bed) and when I wake I get off on the "right" side of my bed, which is actually the left, which really confuses me when I'm looking for the light switch and can't find it. I'm really glad I got rid of the elliptical machine I kept there, because I kept running into it. Usually I just wake up confused and disoriented, roam for a couple minutes, and make my way back to bed once I realize what is going on. This has been happening off and on for a few months now. I can't figure out what's triggering it. My memory sucks on a good day, so I can't ever tell if I've moved anything around or what. I remember once or twice as a child having my flashlight move from the safety of my top of the bunk bed with me, to a desk at ground level. Everyone denied moving it, but they might have been pulling my leg. I don't really think I'm a sleepwalker, but I can't figure out why else I would wake up standing or turned the wrong way in bed. I'm not that much of a mover when I sleep.

A few weeks ago I woke up in a panic, convinced that I'd left Miss E in the living room and I started looking for her. It was pitch black, but I couldn't find the light switch. I made it to the living room and turned on the light. Then it occurred to me to check her crib. Duh. She was in bed. Asleep. Not the first time I've woken in a panic about her, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Oddness

I just got a friend recommendation on Facebook. I didn't even know that was something you could do there, but I digress
So the friend recommendation is from the weird guy I briefly dated in February. The recommended friend? His dad. (or other random family member, not sure.)

Yeah.. how bout no?

Think you've got all the iPod acccessories?

Think again.

Not safe for work/school/kids/whatever. No nudity, just subject matter you don't want to explain to children and coworkers.
https://www.ohmibod.com/catalog/shopping_cart.php (must be 18+)

I'm in LOVE

..with Honey Mustard Pringles..
I must stock up before they disappear again for another year. Stupid limited time chips!

RANT!

It's a common misconception among hospital patients and their families that I'm a nurse.
I'm not.
I correct people when they say it in my presence, and I always introduce myself to patients/families. I can't help it if they assume everyone that comes into their room is a nurse.

So today, I go in to see a patient and the room is crammed full of family. I ask a few of them to leave for a few minutes so I can do his ultrasound. Those that stayed were very helpful.. I do his test, and on the way out one of his other family members is on her way back in, talking to the patient's nurse.
I happen to be seeing the patient next door, and the nurse comes up to me and says, Oh, I guess you go a promotion!
What?
The family member of the other patient had referred to me as a nurse. The nurse somehow felt that this would have been a promotion for me.

It's just a different job- not higher on the totem pole. If I got a promotion, I'd be a department supervisor, not a nurse. Duh!

Jackass.

I opted not to become a nurse because of the Poo factor. I hate Poo. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to smell it, and I certainly don't want to deal with anyone elses Poo if I don't absolutely positively have to! (Except Miss E, she's my kiddo so she gets a free Poo Pass). I chose a cleaner profession. I have a lot of respect for nurses, but I don't feel they are superior to me in any way.

/end rant

Beyond The Grave

I vaguely remember something about being able to paint an accent wall.
I locate my lease (which, for some reason, I decided to store on the top shelf of one of my kitchen cabinets- but at least I knew where it was.)

It's about 14 pages, legal sized, including 6 pages of addendums and 2 about water billing. I've never read it front to back.

I flip through it and I notice something:

"22. Death of Sole Resident
If you are the sole resident, upon your death you may terminate the Lease Contract without penalty with at least 30 days written notice. You will be liable for payment of rent until the latter of: (1) the termination date, or (2) until all possessions in the apartment are removed. You will be liable for all rent, charges, and damages to the apartment until it is vacated, and any removal and storage costs."

Do you think I should have this drawn up in advance?




(and no, this is not what I forgot about writing earlier)

Swiss Cheese

So yesterday I had this great idea on what to blog about.
What was it?
I haven't got a freakin clue, because I'd totally forgotten by the time I got to the computer.

Damn it.

It'll come back to me later.

Public Service Announcement

You should really, really have at least a semi-professional sounding email address that you use for such things as resumes or say, mass email lists for that new professional organization you just joined. Using your name as an email address would be ideal for such situations.

Or else I'll be forced to snicker at you, alwaysgocommando@whatever.com.

Mama Lesson #216: Crayons

Stock up on Magic Erasers.

You don't want to watch TV through red scribble, do you?

IKEA Virgin

I’ve been intimidated by IKEA for about a year now. Have you seen the size of that place?

I decide to go.

I made sure to pack the divine Miss E some snacks and a drink, since we were bound to be there for awhile. I’ve been shopping for a new bed, and want to check out their mattresses. We hit the road and 45 minutes later, we are pulling into the parking lot.

It’s bigger than it looked from the interstate. I get a little panicked. I fight the urge to turn around and immediately head for the safety of Target. (Does anyone else think I should see a shrink about my fear of IKEA, misc theme park rides, being surrounded by school buses and sitting in a room alone with the door closed?). I briefly ponder where the emergency exits are located.

I find a good parking spot, which is good because it’s really busy.
I plop E in a cart that was roaming the parking lot, which keeps trying to roll away from me. It’s windy out and I have to hold both back wheels between my feet to keep the damn thing still for a minute. I look like a total dumbass. I take off an immediately notice that there is something WRONG with the cart. It must be possessed. I steal a look around to see if anyone else is having trouble. Nope.. Have you ever used their carts? Apparently, they are of the "all wheel drive" persuasion, not like your regular shopping cart (which only has 2 casters). It’s really obnoxious.
Good for maneuvering tight aisles, though.

I cruise in, struggling to keep the cart in a straight line. It doesn’t feel as big inside as it looks. I see the door greeter but fail to notice he’s holding a stack of maps. I also fail to notice the shortcuts and arrows on the floor, telling me which way I have to go.
I roam around and mistakenly take a shortcut, which I didn’t know was a shortcut, because I was just following other people around to try and find where I was supposed to escape the land of couches.

I eventually find the mattresses. They are meh. I sit on a few, and find one that is passable. I jot down the strange numbers on the tag, as well as the bed base and some other assorted accessories. I go off in search of a bed. I find more mattresses and a bunch of kid beds.

I run into a coworker, who is with his 2 kids and sister. They are shopping for kid beds. I text my boss to tell her who I saw. It takes 3 tries to go through, because my signal is crap in the middle of the store.

I finally spot an adult bed in the corner and take off in that direction.
I nearly have 8 head on cart collisions before I realize there are arrows on the floor, telling me which way to go. I am going to wrong way. I keep going the wrong way, because damnit, the rest of the beds are on the other side! I wonder if I can get a ticket for that?

E starts screaming. She’s not angry, just loud. I shove animal crackers in her mouth and she pipes down. Repeat x10.

I spot a couple of cool beds. The one I want doesn’t have the stupid numbers on it. This vexes me. I jot down the mysterious numbers off of a couple other beds I like and hope it is in the same area in this strange "Self Serve Furniture" area they keep pointing me to. I wander through the mattresses again and run into my coworker again. This is getting awkward!

I roam over to kids stuff and pick up a couple cool hanging toy holder things for E’s room, and then make my way over to bedding. I follow the arrows, this time!

I go back and forth between the sheets and quilts and quilt covers and bedspreads for about 25 minutes. I find some cool lime green sheets and pick up a set for my future bed.

I want to see how big the boxes are to see if they will fit in my car without strapping E to the roof, so I follow the happy little arrows over the river and through the woods (and lighting!) to Self Serve’s house we go. They have some kick ass wall lights that I want, but don’t want to get today.

I finally get over to the land of Self Serve, and go to the row and bin I jotted down. It’s the wrong thing! I find it 2 aisles over. The mattresses is pretty bulky, I’d need a flat cart to haul it out to the car, and that’s no easy task with E around. I look for the other accessories and decide that I will need to come back, sans baby, plus big strong man (or wo-man, I’m not picky).

I get to the registers. Holy smokes, the lines are long. I wait, and wait. Luckily, my line moves a whole hell of a lot faster than the others.

I make it to my car, alive, and throw kid + purchases in. I peal out of the parking lot, narrowly missing an escapee cart that is cruising the lot on its own.

I can’t wait to go back Thursday!

How to kill a flying insect: Girly edition

Step 1. Wait for bug to kill self. Ask it nicely, if you must. If it refuses, ask someone else to do it, if possible.

If this fails, drastic measures must be taken.
Gather your supplies, but keep an eye on that bug! You don’t want it to disappear and dive bomb you in your sleep, again, do you?
You will need a cup. Preferably laced with poison of some kind, but a plastic one will do. Also, a piece of stiff cardboard or plastic to cover the cup (a CD case cover works well, so you can see what you’re doing). Make sure you have easy access to a sink and toilet. Toilets with that heavy duty industrial flush work best, but any flushing toilet will do in a pinch.

Step 2. Turn on light. Pray bug will fly into it at a high rate of speed.
Step 3. Wait for bug to land, or become stunned from its multiple flights and fall to the floor (this is ideal!)
Step 3a. If bug refuses to land, chase it around using your cup like a butterfly net.
Step 4. If it was a mid-flight catch, take that little asshole down to the floor. If he landed on the floor, just cover it with the cup. Flick the bottom of the cup to show that bug whose boss!
Step 5. Slide cardboard or plastic* under cup. DO NOT LET BUG OUT. *note Saran Wrap is not an effective for of plastic for this procedure. Use something stiff, you dimwit.
Step 6. Carefully pick the (now) covered cup up. Flip it over at a high rate of speed. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T LET THE COVER SLIP!
Step 7. Shake it like a salt shaker
Step 8. Run around screaming with cup/cover combo in hand.
Step 9. Regain control, take cup/cover to sink. Give the cover a few good flicks to make sure the little bastard is good and stunned. Shake the cup again, for good measure.
Step 10. Turn the sink on full blast. Slide the cover off 1/4" and let the water run in. Fill the cup about 1/4 full.
Step 11. Cover cup again, and shake the cup side to side. Drown the fucker!
Step 12. Add more water. Repeat shaking.
Step 13. Shake more.
Step 14. If bug is sufficiently stunned, or possibly dead, proceed to the toilet.
Step 15. Speed is important! Flush the toilet, and as the last half of the water goes down, quickly yank off the cover, dump the bug water into the toilet.
Step 16. Cover toilet. Flush again.
Step 17. Throw away cup. You don’t want to drink bug shit, do you?
Step 18. Carefully lift toilet lid and check to make sure you don’t have a renegade bug.
Step 19. If bug returns from the land of Poo, you need to move out, ASAP.
Step 20. Wash hands a dozen times.
Step 21. Better yet, go shower. Twice.